Who needs affordable living anyway

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February 17, 2010

Confessions of a Dislocated Texan

by Ezra Mann The Democrat Wed Feb 17, 2010, 12:12 PM CST

If there’s anything I’ve learned by having been dislocated as many times as I have, it’s to be adaptable. Yet, try as I might, things seem to remain far too interesting for my wallet to catch up with.

Sure, I may not live in a third world country and have the worst income, but when ramen noodles start to look expensive, maybe I’m getting too close for comfort. My stuff also seems to be working against me, breaking close enough together to tease what sanity I have left. I’m past the squeezing blood out of stone stage; I’m at the digging for a heart in the middle of Mt. Everest phase.

I realize that as our dollar becomes more worthless it will only drive the prices of goods up, but I would not be opposed if that trend could take a hike long enough for me to buy a decent batch of groceries. I can plead and beg for my salary to take a leap as well, but even my delusions have limitations.

Perhaps I was spoiled by the silly idea of a salvage grocery store in Mississippi where eating is actually feasible, but somehow I got this idea that you don’t have to screw those struggling to make ends meet out of a meal. Who am I kidding though, it really is a crazy idea to take leftover goods from a town and resell them so everyone dirt poor doesn’t have to turn to the food bank. Begging never makes someone feel ashamed anyways.

I also have a knack for having necessary items break when there is no way to pay for them. Computers, parts on vehicles, you name it and I’ve either had to replace it recently or it is inevitably waiting to self destruct until inconvenience is at its highest level.

If you think having to buy food when you are broke is tough, electronic items or car parts take it to a whole new nauseating level. Yet, fret not, most places can hook you up with more pricing items for a flat screen television or Blue Ray DVD player, so at least you’ll be able to entertain yourself while you starve and walk to the job you may or may not have. Maybe Food Network can start selling seasons of their cooking shows so we can at least pretend we are looking at something appetizing.

I am thankful for a roof over my head, perhaps the fashion world is ready for me to start wearing parts of my house around town when the last of my decent clothes fades away to threads. Shingles doesn’t have to be just an embarrassing disease, it can be a bra for the ladies or a loin cloth made out of recycled fiberglass.

I haven’t exactly got a beach friendly tan so if I get the right consistency of mud I can simulate pants until it rains and community meetings get real interesting. Despite all the hard times, if I lose my sense of humor then I really will have nothing more to hang on to. I wonder if doctors prescribe laughter in pill or shot form.

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